Thursday, February 5, 2015

How Do You Know When You're Done Having Kids?

How’d you know you were done having kids?
This is a real life post, with real life questions and dilemmas. I need your help, advice, insight.

Keep reading below!

Sure, many women choose to get their tubes tied (burned, cut, whatever) after a certain number of children. But what about those, who chose not to (even though the doctor had her open anyways). What if I said two years ago that I may want more… but now, after weighing pros and cons I decide I may be done. How can I be 100% sure?

I’m wanting something that is effective and will stop periods. Currently, I’m on depo (the shot). I go every three months and get a shot in my arm or hip (rotating between the left and right side each visit). I don’t get any periods with this, and I’ve been on it on and off for almost 10 years now. Once I stopped and ended up developing cysts that burst, and it was the most horrific pain in the world. I jumped back on depo and decided that it obviously wasn’t time to have another kid (I already had my son).

Then after a few more years on it I got off and 6 months later I was pregnant (shocked my doctor, too!). It never is that easy to get pregnant after getting off depo.

Now, here I am, my son is 10 (will be 11 in July) and my daughter is 2 (will be 3 in September), and I think I’ve realized why my husband doesn’t want another. His reasons are:

Kids are expensive. Between diapers, formula (if breastfeeding doesn’t work out), clothes, shoes, etc. I get it. We struggle from time to time now as it is on only his income, and I don’t want another child right this second… but maybe in like 4 years.

Lifestyle we want.
He also says to me, “Look at the lifestyle we want to live. How can we do that with us having little kids?” And suddenly I get it. We want to travel to Belize with my in-laws and their friends. We want to go on trips just because and on the fly. But with kids, that's so hard to do! You need to find a sitter, and that will cost buku bucks thanks to the fact that you want to leave them for a few days! Even planned trips without the kids are hard to pull off! Unfortunately, both our parents still work, and they can’t just watch our kids like other grandparents can. Our parents are still relatively young.

I dream about our childless-vacations, but I love the ones we have with the kids. I dream about quick weekend trips to Vegas (4 hour drive!), but then I think about how much fun the kids would have. Granted, my husband has family there, but still. Vegas has stuff for everyone, but I like to go there to drink and play on Fremont street!

So what’s a girl to do?

How do you fully know that you’re ready to stop having kids? I don’t want regrets. I want to know that I made the right decision. I'm afraid of having a kid in the future and then secretly regretting bringing another child into our lives - especially if things get tight. We've been in rough positions before due to unforeseen circumstances. But what if I do something permanent and then 5 or so years down the road regret that decision. I'm only 28, I'm still "in my prime"...

Do any of you women reading this have experience with this? Have you had a permanent birth control done (preferably one that stops periods!)? How do you know you’re ready? Did you regret it? What kind did you do? How can I be so sure that this is something I want?

I need answers, and I’d really love your input.

Thanks, ladies.


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