Thursday, July 1, 2010

10 Simple rules to date my mom.

10 simple rules to date my mom. 

1. Remember she’s a grown woman. 
She can do as she pleases. If she doesn’t feel like talking to you for a day or so, understand that. She has a life - kinda. She works a full 40 hours a week, and on top of that - she needs her time to relax. So just chill out when she says she wants some time to herself.

2. Don’t be clingy!!!!
As previously mentioned - she needs some time to herself at times. And a clingy man is so unattractive (at any age!). Plus, she really hates it. If you feel like you cant live without her, than move on sucker. She most likely doesn’t feel that same way about you.

3. Understand she has back problems, and may not be able to do all the things you want to do - such as camping!
She has deteriorating disk disease in her lower back, as well as some slipped disks. She cannot do the things that younger people can do. Or even older people with healthy backs. She cannot sleep on an air mattress very well, it will hurt - I know, I have back issues too.  She cannot do a lot of things that many people her age can do because of her back. Understand this. If you take her somewhere, know that if she needs to come home early that you should not throw a hissy fit. Understand her needs, and be empathetic. You may not know this pain - and chances are, you will NEVER know this pain.
Be sympathetic, and try to take care of her. See if she needs anything. Act like a grown man. See number 5 for more info on that.

4. Understand she is just reentering the dating scene after almost 20 years!
Be respectful. Know that she has been married for the last 20 years. Know that she hasn’t been on a date, been “single”, or even mingled in quite a long time. Be patient with her. Go on some public dates - movies, lunch, dinner, dancing. Have fun. Please, don’t try to get too serious too fast. It aint gonna work. She needs to learn to be free again. And if you try to rush her into a relationship, shes gonna clam up and your never gonna get in. There’s walls that have been  built. And know that its gonna take a long time to get them down.

5. Act like a grown man. No hissy fits.
Seriously, if your trying to date my mom, your probably in your mid to late 40s, maybe even 50s. So you should be grown, right? Unfortunately, you may not be. If you throw a hissy fit, and post your issues with her on Face book - that proves to her, and her kids that you are not grown, mature or man enough to be with her… Get over yourself. Grow up. PLEASE!!! If you need help on this -please see a psychiatrist.

6. NO INMATES!!! Past or present!!!
Please - do not inquire if you have been in prison and are any of the following: Convicted (or pending trial for a) Felon; rapist; child molestor; abuse - of any kind; no theft; or any other reason why you went to jail. I know I know, you didn’t do it, you were wrongly accused, you were with the wrong crowd. Whatever! Doesn’t matter! You do NOT belong with my mom for any reason what so ever. And she agrees! No offense, but that wouldn’t be too safe an environment for her. And see rule #10 for further info on this :D

7. Don’t try to mooch off my mama!
Us kids do that enough already!  But for real. Have a job! Pay your own bills. Do not ask for any help - it should be the other way around. She aint a sugar mama. She’s a mama trying to pay her bills. If anything, you should be the one helping her out. No, Sugar daddies are not welcome either. Just be a gentleman. Help her when she needs help.

8. Be dependable. Have a car. Be honest.
Its really self explanatory.  But I guess people don’t get it. You better have a car to drive to her. She doesn’t have the time to drive around the valley trying to pick you up and take you back. Be a man. Take her on dates in your car. Open her doors. Hold her hand when walking up or down stairs. Be a gentleman. I cant stress this enough.

9. Be funny, caring, and passionate.
All girls like to laugh, and my mom is no different. Be caring, take care of her. She needs that. Its really as simple as that.
Have a passion in life. Whether that passion is cooking, or working on cars, or working your job… Just have a passion. Don’t be a bump on a log, or your couch.

10. Last but not lease; she has grown kids that will kick your ass if you treat her badly.
We will fight for our mom. We may not have been the best of kids (but who was?), but we love our mom more than anything. There is only 2 of us, but we know how to take you out. My mom deserves nothing but the best. And if you cannot provide that to her, then you need to move to the next one. We do not hold back opinions. We tell our mom what we think of someone. We tell her if we think your worthy - she will more than likely listen to us. If you hurt her, physically or emotionally, we will hurt you. This is not a threat. it’s a promise. I don’t care if you feel scared. I really don’t. Know that I will protect my mom at all costs. I am a mamas girl - I’ll be damned if some random guy comes into her life and hurts her. Remember this. And remember these rules.

These are 10 simple rules to date my mom.

Jennifer Tyree

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